This is my ode to our previous Mr. Coffee machine. Every morning for over 5 years the most important moment in my day was brought forth by a marvel of a machine. Folgers Medium Classic coffee was made in it and without it my life would have been destined for constant turmoil.
You were a good coffee machine perky. I named him. That’s how significant perky was to me. My mornings were complete. Yes, old Mr. Perky, you completed me. It is a wonderful thing to start the day with Folgers Medium Classic Blend. I put French Vanilla and sugar into the smooth concoction. It is a blessed thing.
We have gotten a new Mr. Coffee but do not be distressed, there will none like you Mr. Perky. Just know, while you’re in that landfill that you were once loved. This should elevate your status to the position of the garbage elite. You could even start a tribe and lead all fellow refuse kind of like Lord Of The Flies, but not really. You don’t need food and the other garbage shouldn’t start a coup against you while burning down your refuge and killing your closest over weight friend Keurig. Well, not yet anyway.
My eyes are on you Mr. Perky Jr. and your under investigation and currently congressional hearings have been scheduled to debate whether you conspired in Mr. Perky’s death in front of a congressional hearing. I’m demanding a public open session so the American people can discover the true motives to see if there was a conspiracy against your father, the one and only Mr. Perky.