Getting Something Off My Chest: Practice Caution With Your Feelings

This girl I knew a long time ago not one time ever told me that she didn’t want my company. Not one time has she ever asked me to not talk to her. That day has come. And I wish it would have come sooner.

You see, when faced with brutal honesty liars collapse and become uncomfortable because honesty is something that is alien to them. Being honest is something one must be to be a part of society. But thieves, liars and manipulators; as well as every normal person, will lie.

You have to be courageous and own your situation. You have to admit missteps and say you’re sorry. People who do tell lies constantly are literally broken people. Their way of life is chaotic. Everything is about them and what they want. Typically there is no sympathizing with how other people feel.

So when people lie and manipulate, it’s because they only care about themselves with no thought of the other person’s feelings. That is what hurt me the most in my personal life recently. I felt like I was being used for what I had. Turns out I was right again. I saw it the first time that I had seen her in over 20 years. It wasn’t long until she asked me for money, but it was her lies I misunderstood.

I couldn’t separate fact from fiction. And that was just for starters.

I was a fool but deep within me, now buried in my stomach, is the compassion and admiration of her that I have and always had since the first day I saw her. Sometimes things don’t work out. Yet if there is a commitment then people should place a 50/50 effort to communicate, compromise and forgive what is forgivable.

My soul has been so battered that I’m almost to the point of not even speaking to a woman. Because in hindsight no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough for her.

She told me recently that she needed $13 to get her I’D and when the car pulled down the street and she opened the door I smelt marijuana. She told me her I’D would cost $13. I gave her a twenty. Later that night she would tell me she gave the whole $20 to the guy giving her the ride. Now does that make sense?

How did she pay for her ID? Then, to top it off, she said her first day of work was a Saturday. She would later say that she gave him the whole $20 and that he gave her a ride to work on the Friday before. This was Friday mind you. This is after she told me her first day of work was Saturday.

So something was strangely amiss. And this by a girl who I would later dump my now ex-girlfriend for so I could pursue a close friendship with. The girl who I broke up with was brutal but the girl I gave up one relationship to pursue, gave no sympathy.

Nothing. Which is exactly what she would make me feel when she told me to leave her alone one night not so long ago after I called her out on her lie. Let this serve as a testament and warning for people to practice caution with your feelings. Because girls like the one I admired that I’m talking about took all my feelings and dignity I had away from me.

Now I wonder if the girl I once new long ago has changed to the point of no return. I’ve kept the feelings I had for her years ago and now they are ripped to shreds. Apparently she is not used to people being facetious or sharing their feelings after trying to understand some bullshit get my ID story. People have to have a sense of humor about themselves and not be so serious.

Because without awkward people like me the world would be very dull. It’s not the pain of losing a friend but rather my attitude for someone who finally found that deep affection within me that has been dormant for a very long time. It scared me because no one has control of me or my feelings. That is, except for her. It is absolute disaster for me emotionally now.