How I find myself here sitting on the side of my bed writing this would make any atheist believe in God. It is the only logical explination that can be made after evaluating the experiences I’ve been through for a large portion of my life.
In hindsight it is very vexing why we choose the paths we do. Even after years of experiencing many paths the correct path is still unclear to me at times. Now choices I made in my youth I can justify with the excuse of not being experienced enough to make better decisions.
As I move forward in the realm of time, I forever remember people, places and situations I handled poorly and sometimes it makes me shutter. Yet I’m still alive and breathing. No TWO horrific car wrecks nor a four story fall from a balcony kept me from being here rambling as a child would. Not to mention being mugged at a gas station and threatened with a gun. I tell myself there is a reason for everything and for whatever reason I’m still alive hasn’t fully revealed itself so everyday I do what I can to cope.
I can’t envision with omniscient powers whatever became of the people whom have come and gone in and out of my life.
All I know is that I have the luxury of experiencing situations that have changed me into the person I am today.
As of late, though, I have acquired an alarming self awareness of the fact that over the years I have become fairly cynical.
Cynicism is no state of mind to be in when making important choices. Passion and inspiration should drive us down paths less traveled and personally I’m having to tell myself daily to maintain my youthful energy with a mature mind to help guide me. It is easy to be cynical, especially today.
Yet it is so important, for me, to remember what is most important. That is my family and friends and people in my life whom are affected by my decisions. This is a factor that was absent in my thoughts in youth that today I appreciate and think about more. Because I realize that no matter how much I have to do what’s best for me, that it’s important to not be selfish.