Fully Automatic Heart

I can’t believe I’m doing this. This one hurts a little and is a little dark. I sweared to myself to never share this. It seems my trip down memory lane had me sifting through some old notebooks. In them, amongst copious notes of Lord Of The Rings, and I mean hundreds of pages worth, I found this. My first poem I ever wrote. Well, it was more of a song I put to a tune in my head. Kind of like Thom Yorkes, “Hearing Damage.”

It was about my first girlfriend whom I dated on and off for years. We tried to be friends. She was two years older than myself and one of the people you saw buzzing through parties and disappearing into a room for an hour at a time throughout the night. Needless to say, her life was the fast life and I tried to listen and do what I could do to make her happy to no avail.

Kids, stay off drugs…just please, trust me. They change heaven to hell and rip families apart. It was written in 1996 when I was 16. We both had a fascination with Nine Inch Nails. You know, the band. So be forwarned.

This was something I did to wrap my head around the situation. Now I leave it here. A monument to the pain of the suffering addicts then and now. For what its worth, I dont know if it’s horrible or not. It just made me go…wow. Fourteen, guys I’ve heard, having to deal with this. My heart goes out to all who are going through addiction. It’s a battle that must be fought!!

—–Fully Automatic Heart—-

Your pushing and your pulling
dragging your demons on the floor.
At the moment I tried to have it.
But you ran to another door.

You seemed so emphatic,
now wasn’t that dramatic.
Kept thinking that I had it.
You just had to make it drastic.

Your clutch was automatic,
a speed no one’s gone before.
The wreck I tried to handle
but you have no tears anymore.

Are your speechless expressions exhausted?
Can you draw your pictures on the wall?
What was that you lost it?
Go find your remedy down the hall.

You seemed so emphatic
now wasn’t that dramatic?
Kept thinking that I had it.
You just had to make it drastic.

Did you think you could do no wrong?
You don’t seem like you ever had it.
Your fully automatic heart.
There you go sifting through your sink cabinet.

You seemed so emphatic
now wasn’t that dramatic?
Kept thinking that I had it.
You just had to make it drastic.

Your pushing and your pulling
dragging your demons on the floor.
At the moment I tried to have it.
But you ran to another door.