I Guess I’m Damned

Pride is spoken of in the Bible as a hindrance. There is an obvious conflict when one talks about pride. How can someone be both humble yet also confident without being prideful? There are times when I think of what I have power over and the reality is that I only have power over my self.

No matter how many times I look in the mirror, or have over the course of my life, I’ve never been happy at what I’ve seen. I have struggled to find my place on this earth. Something to be proud of so it makes looking into the mirror easier.

There has been pain in my pursuit of identity. What purpose do I serve upon this earth I have not a clue. If I am an example of a person without pride then of what the Bible speaks in regards to it’s view on pride, I should be acceptable in the Lord’s eyes. Yet how am I acceptable?

I have nothing of my own. I’m not going to be describing my life in detail. Just believe me when I say I am not in a place where I’ve always wanted to be. I bleed out of my hurt soul beyond measure. I have loved and for having the capacity to do so is a blessing. Yet I have been heartbroken more than experience the true fulfillment of love and lasting relationships.

A person may go so far as to say that I am frivolous at this revelation. I ensure you, I am not. I speak of love so often in what I write because I don’t want it to become alien to me. I hold onto warm moments and beautiful feelings as if they were a part of my body. For without them I would be lost. I am proud of being able to express myself and delve into the depths of me to see what my mind has let loose from my heart.

Yet when I look into the mirror I still see someone who I am un-wholly proud of so I delve into my psyche and reach for emotions with a pen. That which I do that brings me a modicum of pride from what I create means I am human. Pride cometh before the fall speaks the Bible. So I guess I’m damned.

So dear friends, let us be damned together. For the heart is filled with darkness. Let us take pride in our creations and tear the sky open and discover the world with eyes fashioned from dirt. Let us weep, dream and laugh the sinews of our hearts. For the purpose of life I believe is that very thing. We’re all flawed. Especially me. I am but dirt fashioned from the earth as the Bible says.

8 Comments Add yours

  1. kristianw84 says:

    Personally, I think being confident is knowing that you’re good at something. It’s okay to even be proud of your work, craft, or whatever, but being prideful is thinking you are better than anyone else. That’s my take on it anyway. I can relate to looking in the mirror and not being happy with what is looking back, but I’m here to tell you, you should absolutely be proud of your ability to love despite your heartache, and even more so your incredible ability to let it bleed from your soul and onto paper! I don’t know that anyone knows what their purpose is, and I can’t tell you what yours is, but I can assure you, my friend who has escaped death 4 times, there is one! I may not know much, but I can say with absolute certainty, you have a purpose! You wouldn’t be here otherwise.

    I hope you can take comfort in knowing that I’m right here, damned right along with you, dreaming, crying, and laughing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I like that thought. Thank you for saying that KRISTIAN!! LOL. Like I said, your good people Weigman.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. kristianw84 says:

        Lol. Please don;t ever forget that you are as well, Winchester!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. rothpoetry says:

    Interesting! I believe the references to pride in the Bible are like many other things referenced especially in Proverbs. Pride comes without a definition, just like many terms we use in our culture today. Painted with a broad brush we are all doomed. But the other thing overlooked is God’s grace that accepts us as we are Pride and all. On the other hand anything taken to extreme can be personally harmful to us. Great piece. I enjoyed it.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. WB says:

    I commend you for your honesty and admittance to the objective of your blog. I’ve yet to read the many articles you’ve posted, but do plan to. First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to indulge in my writing, and reading them as well. I have read your entry,” I Guess I’m Damned”. You have a great writing skill, and using writing as a means of channeling emotion or voice is an excellent way to perform it. A comment on I Guess I’m Damned. Most often then not, individuals tend to pursue the identity that others have given them, but not truly their own, and in turn, feel the endless chase of something that never remains. Our identity will never be found, because it isn’t lost, it must be explored because we have never gave attention to it. Then, we must accept it, and life becomes mush easier to embrace. Pride and confidence are two separate elements. Pride can only follow experience and accomplishment, where as confidence can only precede pride. Pride will all too often consume our ego, and confidence will all too often mislead it. This ego of ours is slowly built by our subjective side, and leaves little room for opposition, thus, the ego dictates the greater part of our lives, until with age, reality modifies its architecture by rationalism. With that being said, you’ve expressed eloquently about this war between humbleness and pride and how others perceive the two, and the struggle for your own identity and it’s ramifications with God. In doing so, you hope to promote the ideal of one being themself, happy with who they are, and what they do because they are only human, and if being ones-self, is damning, then so be it. Great writing to say the least. I make it a practice to to really dissect a writers work, it’s the least I can do, given they’ve surrendered both time and a piece of themselves to present the writing. There is nothing more destructive to a writer than the act of writing, yet not reading. Again, thank you for your likes. I really appreciate it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well said. Ego is a pit that is suitable for vipers like the ones found in D.C. who presumably “run” our country. Sorry for bringing a political twist to the element of ego but I think that is where is most prevelant in today’s society. The so called persona of power let’s one delve pride fully deep into the pit which sadly is the identity to which some politicians hold. I dont know if you might agree or what affiliation your with but all I can do is what’s best for me and my family and I’m proud of it but I dont let it consume me. I need help from people like you and others here. To be so honest is hard at times but I learn everyday from you and others here on this platform. Thank you for your comment and I look forward seeing your work on here as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You are so right, we are all flawed and living in a sinful world all because of Adam and Eve’s sin, but the beauty of it is that when Jesus came to this earth (like we just celebrated at Christmas) He gave us the opportunity to get rid of those flaws. I try to get rid of mine by daily asking Him for forgiveness, to cleanse my mind and my heart. Pride does come before a fall, but I think perhaps it’s what you a are proud of….for example since I’ve gotten to know Jesus, I have a sense of confidence that I never had before, and I also feel proud to know Him and to be a witness for Him.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. blindzanygirl says:

    You write beautifully Jared

    Liked by 1 person

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