Complexity Colored Blue

I suffered depression for years. Lost in despair I turned into a bitter lifeless person. I filled the hole inside me with anything I could to numb the pain. I was an alcoholic. I had nothing inside me that was beautiful. It was a terrible phase of my life that I felt I had no chance to recover from.

It is incredible how isolated I became. I would lay in bed, covers pulled over my head. The lights would be off and I would lay there contemplating whether I should even keep living such a tortured life. I have an addictive personality. Still do in some aspects. I was destroyed after my fiance left me.

There is a song that I listened to that I would like to share with you. I listened to it repeatedly and it really helped me cope. After listening to it a million times, it seemed like, I wrote this. Basically to help me understand that even though I was destroyed instead of writhing in pain I should remember the positive thoughts and cast away the negative ones. The good memories stay with me, until the ashes fall.

I linger in the sound

of your voice in a vault.

Found reverberating,

inside places I was lost.

I tell myself everyday,

since I first saw you,

that I’m changed from

complexity colored blue.

There are places so cold,

beneath what I project,

that bear burden’s past

that hold a cold aspect.

Revive does your voice

my twisted downtrodden

face that I place emotion.

It repairs places rotten.

There’s a vat of bitter acid

inside that slowly erodes,

but those memories of smiles

stave off what does corrode.

14 Comments Add yours

  1. kristianw84 says:

    What’s incredible is the light you shine after knowing such darkness, so sorry about that, by the way. Most people would have allowed the bitterness to to consume them, spreading it around, but you spread kindness. I admire that. You’re so strong. my friend. This moved me to tears, very well written.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. aflawedpearl says:

    This is fabulous!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aflawedpearl says:

      So powerfully written.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much. I appreciate that!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. aflawedpearl says:

          You are most welcome, Jared. Your gift with words is amazing.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. sbailey says:

    Very well written. So much honesty in your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s kind of you. I like your posts too!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. sbailey says:

        Thank you so much!:)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. txjessy says:

    Thank you for sharing, depression is so real but choose to not talk about it or feel shame sharing. Thank you for extending hope. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Are you saying to not talk about addiction?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. txjessy says:

        No I meant to say alot of people don’t like to talk about it or share their experiences for embarrassment or self shame. Not knowing that many of us go or have gone through the same struggles. In my earlier reply my mind jumped way ahead of my typing and i could not correct it lol.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh. Hahaha. I see. Yeah. I write down things that come from a place that doesn’t seek peoples sympathy. It was heavy on my heart and I wanted to share the fact that there is hope. I see what your saying now. Lol. Your a kind and gifted person and writer Jessy and your words are greatly appreciated.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. txjessy says:

            Aww, thank you 💕! What you wrote was great, and you never know who needed to read it. Many years ago I struggled with substance abuse and alcohol abuse and God knows what else. I know from personal experience how real depression is. There is hope, I found it in God many may find it in else where, but there is hope. 💕

            Liked by 1 person

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