Random Shit At Midnight

I remember when I was in my accident years ago the shock of it all never really set in. Now the fear of putting myself in a position where I must conquer obvious fears while at the same time progressing where I need to be in my life is daunting. I don’t need these stressors in my vicinity.

I look everywhere in the back of my mind and ask myself, Jared, are you where you need to be in life? I can not answer that question. Fear has grasped at my hindsight. I should be dead. I was foolish and my life has never been one I’ve wanted to live.

Despair feels so cold in my veins at times. Should God allow such things to go on? I don’t know. I wish I did. My pursuit is truth. Logical and straightforward answers are hard to come by nowadays. Everyone has their own opinion obfuscating the facts.

I should have been a Marine. I should have gone onto college where I wanted to go. Those hopes were dashed early in my life yet still sting me to this day.

I try and remain hopefully optimistic. I try but struggle. I try to remain honest in my heart and feelings and sharing the sometimes nonsensical parts of my understanding. Life is a chasm of disarray and pain sometimes.

Time stops for no one and before I meet my end I would hope I could say I lived with as less pain as possible. Eat good and dine well friends. Indulge and spoil yourselves because hell, tomorrow is never promised.

Love deep. Say how you feel and be unashamed to be who you are and who you have to be to survive emotionally and practically.

Thanks for stopping by guys…

– Jared

8 Comments Add yours

  1. blindzanygirl says:

    This tore at my heart Jared. I have had exactly the same thoughts and feelings. The same fear. I ask questions too. Different story but same questions. There are no answers though, as you say. Kep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah. Thank you for saying that. I guess you could say I’m having a moment or what have you but things seem to crumble sometimes. I appreciate you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. blindzanygirl says:

        You are welcome. I was just looking through your blog and your writing grabbed me. Being blind though, I had difficulty finding my way round but I will return. I like your blog.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. eob2 says:

    There is no rhyme or reason why shit happens. All you can do is fight through it. That college can still be a goal dear, it may not be easy (as nothing is in life) but it is achievable. Yes live life to the fullest, love is free to given to all. 🙂🙏🏼🌎☮️💙

    Liked by 1 person

  3. eob2 says:

    You’re welcome. 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Aww Jared. Its nice to see you get so candid here. I will say, you’re not alone, honey. I am here if you need me. I think we all look back in life and focus on the what ifs. Instead, focus on what a wonderful, talented man you are and know that you can do anything. ♥️🖤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have no idea how much that means to me. You are awesome in every way. Thank you.

      Like

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